Lyrics

PROCTOR AND JOHNSON’S PILLS
(Greg Tamblyn, Richard Helm)

My darlin’ has this thing, about smellin’ really clean
And she said that my aroma was going bad
So she gave me some Listerine, Aqua Velva, Dentyne
And a case of Five Day Deodorant Pads

Then she got me some Odor Eaters,
Some Gee Your Hair Smells Teriffic
And I thought my olfactory manners were quite refined
But then she brought home some pills
And said, “Guess what scent this kills”
And I knew that it was time to draw the line


Proctor and Johnson’s Internal Odor Pills
Make the gas you pass smell just like flowers
Now when you’re breakin’ wind
You won’t break the mood
Makes fresh air from your flatulence for hours


She said “Honey, with these pills, we can poot daffodils
Or johnquils any time we have baked beans
We’ll blow roses after refries, petunias after pot pies
Every meal will bring a day in spring”

Well I tried to resist, but then she tooted me a whiff
And I must admit, it made me stop and think
And then I realized the I could be one of those guys
Who’s so darn cool his do-do doesn’t stink

Chorus

© 1989 Ramblin’ Tamblyn Music, BMI
Taylor-Helm Music, BMI